Junk Drawer – 5/11/2012

Lesser Woman

As a forewarning this is a little bit of a “poor me” posting. It’s not a call for compliments or comforting…just simply how I feel or felt. I’d like to write it down so I can remember it one day because I’d like to be honest about the good, bad and ugly in my pregnancy. It’s been about 95% good…can’t really think of anything ugly (unless you count that thing that starts with an “h” and ends with “roids”). But there has been some bad and it’s starting to come to a head here in the 34th week. It’s made me feel a little bit like a lesser woman…and believe me when I say that has nothing to do with my weight or girth…I’m the opposite of “lesser” in that respect.

All of my life all I wanted was to have a family and lots of babies. I imagined myself to be a baby-making machine that would be able to pop one out whenever I wanted to with little to no side effects or much effort. Maybe that was a severe case of naiveté or ignorance or maybe it would have been true if I had started popping babies out 10 years ago. All I know is it’s not proven true in my pregnancies with my two baby boys.


I’m not weepy or in a funk or depression but it is a little sad to think of how I’ll probably never get to experience going into labor naturally and the excitement of “it’s time!” And it’s a bit of a shot to my womanly ego knowing that the one thing I thought I’d be the greatest at I’ve sort of “failed” at. My body can’t seem to handle pregnancy like it’s supposed to without “over-heating”.

Week 34 – Streeettttccchhhing

Well, it happened. The Nino officially grew into and out of the stretch marks Jimmy left behind. He should be happy knowing he left his own permanent mark on his mamma. The stretching happened sometime last week and man does my belly itch! Not itching like I need a steroid pack and two containers of Sarna lotion because I have a horrible itchy rash that won’t go away until approximately two weeks after he’s born– just dry, skin stretched to the max…and BEYOND!

I think its kind of neat that I got to change weeks on my birthday. I turned 32 yesterday and 34 weeks. It would have been even crazier if I had turned 32 weeks on my 32nd birthday. But I’m really glad I didn’t turn 34 years on week 34…I can happily wait 2 more years for that….not that I’ll be pregnant again at 34…its just that I can wait to turn 34…forget it.

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